Words of Hope and Faith for the Weary

I Did Not Know I Was, Until You Told Me; But God Corrected Me

I Did Not Know I Was, Until You Told Me; But God Corrected Me
I am not sure if that is correct grammar or not, but I am using it in my title because I found it true in my life, as I am sure it is true in the life of so many others. I did not know I was, until you told me. I did not know I was ignorant, stupid, ugly, and not successful. I did not know I needed to do, dress, act like that, and I did not know I was unhappy until you told me.
This morning while readying myself for my day, which could take up to an hour after I have left the bathroom, washed, and clothed. My quiet time, I call it; my husband is seldom there, when I sit down at my makeup table to finish getting ready. He busies himself with his own morning ritual; you know the one you use that helps you prepare yourself to face the day that is approaching. While I sit, sometimes, I listen to teaching from Andrew Wommack, TD Jake, Joel Osteen, and others who teach the love of God. Mostly, though, I just sit staring into space or at my own reflection in the mirror; it is my time to think about stuff I need to do for the day, and meditate on my life; not necessarily putting on makeup, combing my hair, or fussing over myself.
This morning as I sat thinking, I thought of a line from the movie “Romi and Michelle’s High School Reunion.” I found this movie hilarious, because it rather mocked life after you move on from high school into adulthood. What I remembered was one phrase though, when Michelle said, “….And until you told me that our lives weren’t good enough, I thought everything since high school was a blast.”
So many times, I allowed people have opened my eyes to the so-called error of my ways, some with well-meaning intentions, and others, their intentions were not so well meaning. Either way their words set out to open my eyes to my own mistakes or nativity.
As a young child, we did not have much, my sister and I had a couple of dolls, we got one woman_scolding_child_1Barbie doll each Christmas, but my favorite doll of all time was the grass doll. I am not sure if many reading this know about the grass doll, but where I am from, grass can grow in tuffs in places; when you pull these grass tuffs, long roots pull out of the ground. We were careful not to break the roots, because after we washed away the dirt, the long brown roots became hair that we braided and styled, for fun. We would spend hours searching along the roadway in the neighborhood, looking for theses tuffs of grass. I thought this was fun.
Nevertheless, like in all things, I had to wake up and know the truth. Once in my twenties, I was talking with a friend and I told her about the grass dolls and how much fun they were. I remember her words, “How was that fun? It was only grass.” Of course, more fortunate than I, she had the whole Barbie doll set, store bought clothing, and her family went on nice vacations each year. I started to think when she told me that; maybe my childhood was not fun, why did I not get the same things she had as a child? My mother made our clothing, and we never took vacations unless we went to visit family a couple of cities away. I realized I really did not have any fun; life cheated me.
After this revelation, I set out to make sure that my child would never have to play with grass dolls and would go to places I never went to go to as a child. Please do not misunderstand, I believe that it was wonderful to give my child the things denied to me, but in doing so, I compromised the gift God had given me. I became who the people I knew told me to be, following diligently the recommendations in magazines, on the news, in books, movies, advice of professors, etc. If they told me to be happy about something, I was happy; if they told me I was naive, I forgot about my own foolish ideas and followed their suggestions. “Thou needest to learn this; thou can’st not trust people, thou shall get to them before they get you; and thou hast to dress and act this way to be happy and fulfil your dreams.” A long list I held onto; I joke with the wording, but I followed all of their commandments; breaking most of those given by God.
Although along the path they helped me lay out for myself, I found a measure of success, as the world would call it, but I had no lasting joy or happiness. I was still the little girl inside that loved to play with grass dolls. Trust me, now that I look back; I long for my innocence. I learned things along the way, and I am sure many of you did to, that are now embedded in my consciousness, which I regret; innocence is indeed a virtue.
Romans 16:19 (KJV) “…. but yet I would have you wise unto that which is good, and simple concerning evil.” God’s word told me to be innocent to that which was evil, and words that pulled me from his path all of those years I consider evil now. Although the consequences might have been favorable to me, some ended up hurting others, and I lost sight of God.
To those reading this, I hope you understand, as I finally did, compromising all that you are falls on empty ground eventually; you don’t have to get my age to understand this. Proverbs 3:3-4 (ESV) says, “Let not steadfast love and faithfulness forsake you; bind them around your neck; write them on the tablet of your heart So you will find favor and good success; in the sight of God and man.” Please remember these words, GOD IS REAL, regardless of what the people, scientists, and others in authority report.
Like the prodigal son, he still loved me though, and welcomed me back lovingly when I stopped listening to the noise of the world and started listening to him. Now they tell me, “Your books are too religious.” To me they are telling me again, forget about God; they will not sell if he is part of it. My faith is in him now, and I know regardless of what happens, he will take care of me, like he always did. Therefore, I will talk about him in my blogs and books; my words are not for everyone, but for those whom God wants them to reach, and I am convinced he will get it to them. For that, I find myself blessed.

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